


i don’t talk

by odetodun



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Fluff, M/M, adhd richie, alcoholism mentioned, eddie is a sweetheart, my sad boy, richie has issues, theyre in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 14:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetodun/pseuds/odetodun
Summary: Richie had a lot of unresolved issues and Eddie wants to help but Richie won’t ler him in.





	i don’t talk

Everyone knew when Richie was sad, his jokes were weaker and his brain seemed to go into self destruct. When he was thirteen, that meant pissing off teachers and getting detentions. Now he was seventeen, that meant drinking too much vodka. Eddie hated it, he could see the deep set sadness behind the usually light boys eyes and he wanted to help wash it away. But Richie never let any of them in, let alone Eddie. When Richie was sad, Eddie seemed to be his least favourite person. Bev tried to get through to him but Richie didn’t talk about feelings. Richie fucking hated feelings. He was never taught how to cope with them, just to push them down and ignore them. His father never present and his mother always drunk, Richie was never told the integral parts of life. He raised himself effectively.   
      There was a harsh banging at the door, his mother grumbling drunkenly from the couch. Richie scowled in her direction before making his way to the front door. Eddie stood waiting, hands playing with the bottom of his jumper.

“Eddie?” Richie questioned, his voice sounded off with the amount of vodka he’d consumed. Eddie stared at him for a second, he really hated seeing Richie like this. His long hair more unruly than usual, looking like it hadn’t been washed in a few days. His eyes bloodshot, Eddie wasn’t sure if Richie had got hold of some weed or if he’d been crying. He also wasn’t sure which one he’d prefer.

“I’m coming in” Eddie told him and Richie looked like he was about to argue but there was no use arguing with Eddie. Eddie glanced briefly at Richie’s mom, if you could call her that. Richie watched him look at her, embarrassment clouding his face.

“C’mon” Eddie whispered, helping Richie up the stairs.

“You’re going to shower, I’ll stay in the bathroom just please use the shower curtain” Eddie ordered, his voice still light so not to intimidate Richie. Richie nodded slowly, getting a towel and following Eddie into the bathroom. Richie did as he was told, showering quickly and wrapping a towel around his body as Eddie rummaged around his room to find Richie clean clothes. He finally found a pair of sweats and a large t shirt. The shower seemed to have sobered Richie a little, he changed with no problem and sat down on his bed. He slumped against the wall, knees tucked up to his chest as he watched Eddie clean up slightly.

“We don’t have to talk about anything,” Eddie finally said, “I’m not here to make you do anything you don’t want to. I just want to take care of you”. Eddie was always so honest, Richie loved that about him.

“My dads leaving mom” Richie choked out after a few minutes of silence. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry, not in front of Eddie.

“Rich,” there was that soft voice, his eyes so full of the care Richie craved. He caved in, a small sob escaping his mouth. Eddie was next to him in seconds, gently pulling Richie in for a hug.

“I can’t believe I get drunk every time something goes wrong,” Richie whispered against Eddie’s shoulder, “I’m exactly like her”. The words stung Eddie, the poison and heartbreak carried behind them.

“No- Rich look at me,” Eddie cupped Richie’s jaw, “you are nothing like her. You’re amazing, and talented and interesting. You have so much ahead of you, I promise you now Richie, you will never be her” Eddie said sternly, keeping his eyes steeled on Richie’s. Despite the horrible butterflies erupting in his stomach at the intense eye contact, Eddie kept it.

“How do you put up with me Eds? I’m just loud, I can’t fucking control myself ever. I’m just a bomb waiting and waiting to go off and when I do I don’t know what the fucks going to happen” Richie sighed, moving his eyes from Eddie’s.

“We don’t put up with you Richie, you’re our friend. My best fucking friend. I can’t imagine a day without you” Eddie was sincere, Richie didn’t deserve it. He wanted more alcohol.

_Just like your mother._

The voice rang cold in his ears. He really was like his mother, he’d lead a miserable life like her as well.

“Richie I can see you thinking and I don’t like it, I want to help you but I can’t if you-“ Eddie was cut off by Richie moving abruptly away from him.

“Eddie, I don’t want to fucking talk about my feelings with you. What are we a couple of queers?” Richie hated the word and hated the way it made Eddie’s entire body freeze up. But Richie didn’t want his fucking pity anymore. Eddie stared at him, before reaching for his bag and pulling something out of it.

“There’s a few of my favourite happy songs on there, I’ll go if you don’t want me here” Eddie placed the cassette on Richie’s desk before turning to where Richie was opening his bedroom door.

“Stop shutting people out Richie, you have people who love you” Eddie left after saying this, his head downcast. Richie was an asshole, he’d proven that multiple times. It was in his genes. But he couldn’t even blame them. This was his doing. He placed Eddie’s cassette into his Walkman, songs flowing through as Richie finally tried to relax.

~

Richie was worse the next day, he wore his prescription sunglasses over his tired eyes.

“Rich, wanna come for a smoke quick?” Bev asked and he nodded, so they skipped first period and went to their usual spot out of the eyesight of teachers.

“Eddie told me you kicked him out yesterday” Bev said after lighting her cigarette.

“Eddie’s being a fucking gossip then, I just didn’t want to talk” Richie knew he was being harsh.

“He cares about you Richie, more than anyone. Don’t be a fucking dick to him” Bev was stern, Richie also knew she was right. Eddie had always cared for him, when he sick, when he was hurt. When Richie didn’t have parents to clean his cuts or put ice over a bruise from Bowers, Eddie was there. That’s what Richie couldn’t handle, if Eddie knew how Richie felt he’d lose him.

“I know Beverly, I just don’t want to fucking talk! Is there an issue with that?” Richie’s fingers tapped quickly against the wall.

“Okay Rich, you don’t want to talk. But just be good to Eddie, he’s always been good to you” Bev finished the conversation there, just as the bell went for second period. Bev hugged him before she left, a little longer than usual.   
Richie couldn’t concentrate in Math, so he decided to write a list of his issues. It turns out it was easier to write them than to voice them.

*** neglectful dad  
* Drunken mother   
* possible undiagnosed learning difficultly??  
* gay?? No, boys and girls  
* trauma from a murderous fucking clown**

Richie finished his list, staring at it for a good five minutes before shoving it in his breast pocket where his cigarettes were. He attempted to focus but everything his teacher was saying was swimming over his head. Richie wasn’t stupid, he got A’s in most of his classes. It was just the sitting down in silence for an hour that he couldn’t deal with. Finally the bell rang and Richie practically leaped out of his seat, heading towards the cafeteria. The losers had claimed their usual spot, Eddie was sat between Bill and Mike with a vacant look.

“Hey Eds, can I talk to you?” Richie asked quietly, Eddie stared up at him. He put his lunch away and followed Richie out of the cafeteria and into the empty hallway.

“I’m sorry for being a dick last night, y’know how much of a useless person am I with words. Just yeah- sorry Eds” Richie fidgeted, his feet dancing side by side.

“Rich,” Eddie put a hand on his arm, “it’s okay, but just know I’m here if you ever need me”. His voice was so sincere and genuine, Richie felt so much love for him.

“I know, and I’m fucking grateful. What are you doing tonight?” Richie asked.

“Nothing, I was going to study but it’s not important” Eddie was lying, Richie didn’t care.

“I’ll sneak through your window tonight, just expect me around nine” Richie told him and Eddie nodded so they rejoined their group.

~

Richie turned up at Eddie’s at nine, his window already open.

“Aw Eds, you do me so well” Richie grinned at Eddie who was sat in his bed with a chemistry book open.

“Shut it after you, I’m freezing” Eddie told him, before going back to studying. Richie shut the window, before toeing his shoes off and flopping down on Eddie’s bed. Eddie looked at him, a warm smile on his face.

“I want to talk” Richie finally said and Eddie’s full attention was on him.

“I’m here” Eddie shut his books, moving them aside as Richie sat up.

“I don’t actually know where to start. Maybe the easiest thing? Well uh- I was reading some books, I know me reading what a fucking occurance,” Richie joked as his long fingers tapped against Eddie’s knee, “and I was reading into some psychology thing about my symptoms and there’s a learning difficult called ADD and I think I might have it. It can sort of explain my behaviour”. Richie finished babbling, Eddie still watching him.

“I’ve heard of it before, I did some reading when I recognised your behaviour actually,” Eddie blushed, “you can go to a doctor to get it diagnosed. They do medication for it as well, but that’s a choice of course”. God, what had Richie done to deserve Eddie fucking Kaspbrak?

“Jesus Eddie, you did that for me?” Richie was grinning. Eddie was still fucking blushing.

“Did you want to talk about anything else?” Eddie questioned, well it was now or never Richie thought.

“You know about my parents? Well I’m worried- no fucking terrified. Because if Dad leaves I think my moms going to kill herself with the amount of alcohol she drinks and I know I’m leaving for college next year anyway but how am I meant to keep our house? My mom hasn’t worked in all the years I’ve been alive and Dad pays for the house- fuck Eds, what if I’m homeless?” Richie felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, then he felt an arm snake over his shoulders and pull him tightly into a hug.

“It’s okay Rich- your dad can’t just leave you in an unpaid house. Even that asshole has some a conscience,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, “and we’d never let you be homeless. Stan would give his own bed up for you and you know it, and you’ve been staying here more often that not in the past few years. Rich, you’ll be fine I promise you”. Eddie wiped away the few tears that had spilled from Richie’s eyes. Eddie’s words settled in Richie, he was partly right. Not about his dad but his friends? Bev’s aunt had expressed how much she loved having Richie around, and Stan’s family were amazingly good to him. And as Eddie said, Richie stayed at Eddie’s rather a lot - not under the knowledge of Mrs K though.

“What if I have to move? Eds, I can’t lose you all. I can’t fucking lose you” Richie stared at him and Eddie seemed to crumble. He pulled Richie against his chest, stroking his curls.

“You’ll never us, we love you too much. I love you too much” Eddie whispered into Richie’s hair and Richie moved his head so he was facing Eddie.

“Do you mean that?” Richie asked, no one had ever said they love him. Not his mom or dad. Of course the losers said it in passing but no one ever said it with such meaning. He wasn’t sure if he believed him.

“Richie Tozier, the first time you met me you tried to shove mud down my pants, I’ve loved you since you then. I think I’ll always love you” Eddie admitted, eyes telling a story within themselves.

“God Eds, I love you so fucking much” Richie exhaled out, resting his forehead on Eddie’s.

“Can I kiss you?” Eddie asked and Richie smiled, Eddie asking his permission was perhaps the cutest thing Richie had ever seen.

“Please do” Richie barely said the words before Eddie’s soft lips met his chapped ones and moved so gently, fingers wrapped in his curls. Richie felt a world of pressure remove from his shoulders as he placed his hands on Eddie’s waist.

“That was my last thing” Richie said once they pulled away.

“I like boys- and girls, but mainly you” Richie admitted and Eddie grinned at him.

“I like boys, just boys. But you as well, always have” Eddie kissed him again. Of course, Richie’s troubles weren’t going to disappear. But kissing Eddie in his room, knowing Eddie loved him, was enough to help Richie relax for one night.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are much appreciated thank you!!


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